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محمد الراشدي


          كل انسان في هذه الحياة يسعى إلى العيش بكرامة وهذه الكرامة تلازم وجوده منذ القدم ومتأصلة فيه، ولا يمكن بأي حال من الأحوال أن ينازعه أحد فيها، غير أن طبيعة الناس وظروفهم الاجتماعية والثقافية تحول دون الوصول إلى مبدأ كوني يتفقون بموجبه على المعايير التي يجب اعتمادها لتحقيق حياة أفضل، والسبب في ذلك هو نزعتهم نحو الصراع والخلاف - أما الاختلاف فهو ضرورة إنسانية أصيلة - والذي غالبا ما يؤدي إلى تبخيس قيمة الأخر وتشيئه، وهذا راجع بالأساس إلى بعض المفاهيم الغير مقصودة  لأن أغلب مشاكلنا تتأرجح بين مفارقتين - مقصود لم يفهم ومفهوم لم يقصد - بمعنى أن اللغة التي نتواصل بها تحمل عدة معاني ودلالات الشيء الذي يحول في بعض الأحيان بينها وبين المقصود السليم، ولأن الأسلوب اللبق والجيد هوما يجعل الانسان يرقى إلى مدارج الإنسانية ويدرك حينها الانسان أنه أسمى موجود في الكون، وإن حدث شيء له فإن ذلك يقترن بسلوكه لا بشخصه وذاته، فالسلوك يمكن تقويمه وتعديله أما الشخص فهو غير ذلك، لذلك يجب على الانسان أن يفصل بين الذات المتعالية والسلوك الذي يمكن قياسه، ففي علم الاجرام مثلا فإنه لا تتم معاقبة الشخص في حد ذاته عندما يقترف ذنبا وإنما يعاقب كسلوك غير متطابق مع القواعد الاجتماعية المتعارف عليها، من هذا المنطلق يظهر أن لكل مشكل حل شريطة فصل المشكل عن الذات، فعندما نفصل المشكل عن الذات فإننا سنصل إلى الحل، وهنا أتحدث عن المشاكل التي تحدث ين الزوجين - خاصة إذا علمنا أن المقصد من الزواج هو الاحصان والعفة باعتباره ميثاقا أخلاقيا  ورابطة مقدسة تنشأ عن رغبة الطرفين وبرضاهم عن حب واقتناع منذ البداية - كيف يصل الزوجين إلى حالة من البغض والكره وهما دخلا في الزواج عن قناعة ؟ الجواب الذي أبحث عنه هو موجود عند الزوجين أنفسهم، لقد سبق أن قلت في البداية أن المشكل لا علاقة له بالذات أليس كذلك؟ عندما يعي الزوجين ذاتهم بحق فإنهم يرجعون إلى الأصل في حالة خصامهم، وبهذا فلن تزيغ نفس عن الحق إذا علمت أن ما يؤسس العلاقة ليس هو النفور وإنما هو المودة والتساكن، ربما يكون هذا صعبا في البداية لكن يجب أن نعلم جيدا أن الثمار الحلوة لا تأتي من فراغ فهي تحتاج إلى تربة طيبة وخصبة وشجرة تسقى بعناية، حتى وإن كانت الأودية التي تجري حول الشجرة ملوثة وبها ماء طعمه مر فإنها تقاوم ريثما تثبت جذورها ويشتد عودها بعدها فلن تستطيع المياه العكرة أن تفسد حلاوتها.

 وهذه بعض الاليات المساعدة للزوجين لتجاوز وضعية النزاع:

  • أن يعلم الزوجين أن الانسان كائن نسبي ويحدث له عدة تغيرات وتشنجات إما في الشارع أو العمل لذلك ينبغي أن يتحلى بالصبر وسعة الصدر ويتجاوز ساعة الغضب بالتغاضي وعدم الانتباه داخل البيت؛
  • تجنب ما يمكن أن يزيد من حالة الغضب كالضرب والعنف بكل أشكاله؛
  • التريث وعدم اتخاذ أي قرار لحظة الغضب لأن عواقبه قد تكون وخيمة؛
  • يجب أن يتذكر كل من الزوجين الجوانب الإيجابية في الطرف الأخر؛
  • التقليل من الكلام لحظة الغضب وعدم الرد عن أي استفزاز أو سلوك فالأمواج العاتية توقفها الصخور الهادئة؛
  • عدم الوصول إلى النقطة التي تفيض الكأس، يعني مناقشة أي مشكل قبل تفاقم الوضع؛
  • عدم السماح بتفشي الأسرار المرتبطة بالزوجين حتى يسهل حلها؛
  • تجنب بعض الأمراض النفسية الهدامة كالنميمة والغيبة، وعدم ترك الفرصة لأي عنصر خارجي بالتدخل في الأمور الخاصة؛
  • استمرار النزاع يضعف البيت الداخلي للزوجين ويؤثر على نفسية الأبناء؛
  • تجنب وضعيات الباب المسدود مثل عبارة "عمري ما شفت منك الخير" "ما بقيتش كنحملك" ...
  • عدم الوصول إلى حالة تكسير الجدار مثل الضرب والعنف والترهيب واتلاف معدات ولوازم البيت الخ...
  • التحلي بالمرونة والليونة فقوة المياه تجعل من الصخور رمال؛ والكلمة الطيبة تجعل القلب يميل "فليس الزوج بموسى وليست الزوجة بفرعون" القول اللين هو مفتاح القلوب.

خلاصة القول، أن هناك كثير من المواقف الجميلة التي مر بها الزوجين ويصعب ترجمتها إلى لغة، وتبقى الأحاسيس هي المعبر الوحيد عن هذه المواقف.

 




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